


Pinot Noir

by Luces



Series: Clenny Week 2019 [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Clenny Week 2019, Confessions, Dad Clyde, GOING STEADY, M/M, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt references, Wendy is actually Wendyl in this, fifth date
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 12:36:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18249974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luces/pseuds/Luces
Summary: Clyde is nervous as he and Kenny go out on their fifth date, as he's decided to finally confess that he has a ten year old daughter.For Day 2: Secrets/Confessions of Clenny Week





	Pinot Noir

Clyde gnawed at his upper lip while he waited for the door to open. Never before had he been so nervous for a date. It wasn't a first, or even a second date. It was the fifth. Then again, it had been a few years since he'd gotten as far as the fifth date. He shoved his hands in his pockets, then quickly changed his mind. It looked sloppy to have your hands in your pockets while wearing a nice dress shirt and tie. Clyde didn't want to look sloppy tonight. Kenny was worth it.

Kenny opened the door and paused in the doorway. Clyde held his breath. Kenny was wearing a fitted suit and looked positively delicious.

"Like what you see?" Kenny smirked.

"Hell yes. You look amazing. I feel super underdressed now," said Clyde.

"Nah, don't worry about it. You're dressed perfectly." Kenny stepped forward and planted a gentle kiss on Clyde's lips. "I just wanted to look good for ya, baby." Kenny winked and took Clyde's hand in his. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," Clyde replied.

Clyde was full of nervous energy. Kenny was a really special guy, and Clyde was afraid that he'd fuck everything up somehow. He'd admitted as much to his roommates after his first date.

"D-don't worry! You'll be f-f-fine!" Jimmy had said. "Just make sure you d-don't try the dick in a tub of popcorn trick. It does  _not_  work the way you h-hope it will."

"Just be yourself," Token had reassured him. "Well...on second thought...maybe you shouldn't. You're kind of goofy and dumb."

"Yeah, you'll probably fuck it up," Craig had added.

Their words had only made Clyde more nervous, but so far, he and Kenny seemed to be getting along wonderfully.

The drive to the restaurant was a pleasant one. Clyde let Kenny talk about his day, and Kenny gently rubbed his hand on Clyde's shoulder. Clyde took this all as positive signals, but his stomach still felt like it was twisted up in knots. He hoped that his worries were unfounded.

"I still can't believe that you managed to get us a reservation at Chez Sashay. Isn't it the hottest new French restaurant in Denver?" asked Kenny as they pulled into the parking lot.

"Yeah. It helps that I have an old hometown connection," Clyde said, grinning. "And that's probably the only time I'll ever be able to say that."

He pulled up under the awning and handed the keys to the valet.

"Ah fuck, I  _am_  underdressed! I didn't think it was actually going to be this fancy!" he whined.

"It's okay. Trust me. It's all about walking in there with confidence. That's the only reason I've made it as far as I have in this world."

Kenny laughed and rubbed Clyde's back as they entered the restaurant. It felt very comforting. Kenny had been very hands-on since the end of the first date, once he had decided that he liked Clyde enough to go on a second one.

"Hello! How are you?!"

A large man with an impeccable mustache greeted them inside. Clyde reached out and shook his hand.

"I'm great, Al. How have you been?"

"Oh, it's little Clyde Donovan! Not so little any more, I see! I'm super, thanks for asking!"

Al pulled Clyde in for a big hug and an air kiss on each cheek.

"Thanks for giving us the hook-up. We never would've been able to get a table here otherwise. This is amazing," said Clyde.

"Of course, silly goose! Anyone from South Park is a friend of mine, and I want my restaurant full of friendly people!"

Al paused and leaned a little to the left to look behind Clyde.

"And who is this handsome young man? What a tasty little treat you are!"

Kenny laughed and held out his hand. "Hi, the name's Kenny McCormick."

"He's my…" Clyde looked at Kenny, searching for the right word to use. He didn't want to jump the gun with relationship terminology and have that be what pushed Kenny away. "...date."

Al and Kenny shook hands. "We've been dating for a few weeks. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir."

"Oh please, just call me Al. A friend of Clyde's is a friend of mine!" He pulled Kenny in for his own hug.

Breaking away from the embrace, Al looked over at Clyde. "Not that I'm not happy you're here, but isn't this place a bit opulent for only a few weeks of dating? Unless you have something special planned? Hmmmmmmm?"

Clyde didn't try to hide the flush in his cheeks as he gave Al a dirty look. "Hey, we probably shouldn't keep our table waiting. Right, Al?"

"Oui!"

Al twirled around and began to walk into the main dining room. He speckled his walk with a few small leaps and some jazz hands. The other patrons didn't seem to take notice, but it made Al happy, and that's what mattered.

Once Clyde and Kenny had been seated and brought a complimentary bottle of Pinot Noir, they began to talk like they usually did.

"Oh sweet! I've never actually tried this before." Clyde grinned at the wine. "An ode to black penis!"

Kenny choked down the sip he was in the middle of swallowing. "What?!"

"Oh. Sorry," Clyde chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. "It's a reference to a show. Well, a song, really. A song from a show. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt? It's on Netflix. This guy tries to make a viral song called Peeno Noir, and...uh... never mind. It's stupid."

Clyde looked down at his empty plate and bit his upper lip. It was starting to feel raw from all of the chewing on it that he'd been doing all day. It wasn't making things any better to keep putting this off. He'd have to just go for it. Get this out there in the open and out of the way.

"Are you okay?" Kenny asked, concerned.

"Uh...yeah. I, uh...I'm just kind of nervous, you know? Very nervous, actually." Clyde noticed that he was fidgeting with his fingers. He shoved his hands under the table, on his lap, so that he could focus on Kenny. "So…we've been going out for a few weeks, right?"

"Yeah. About a month, I think. Why?"

"There's...uh...there's something I need to tell you. It's time that I did."

The look on Kenny's face made Clyde feel like a lead weight was dropped into his stomach. It was a look of dread. Clyde thought Kenny might make a run for it at any moment.

"Kenny...I…" Clyde took a deep breath and looked Kenny in the eyes. "I have a kid. I'm a dad. And no, before you ask, I'm not trying to look for someone to be her other parent!"

Clyde quickly took a sip from his glass of wine. He felt stupid for loudly blurting out the last part, but he had decided to add it in at the last moment. Just in case that would help Kenny stay.

"Back in college, I was in a long term relationship with this other student, uh…Bebe Stevens was—is—her name. She was great— _is_  great, I should say. I don't know why I keep talking about her in past tense," Clyde laughed nervously.

"Anyway, we had been together for a little over two years, and she was on birth control, and we hadn't been using condoms since our first anniversary, and…well, she was one of the lucky few who still get pregnant on the pill.

"We had never really talked about what we'd do in this sort of situation. You know...like whether we'd keep it or not. We're both pro-choice, she because she firmly believes in the right of the person who's pregnant to make an educated and thoughtful choice, and me because I believe it's none of my damn business."

Kenny snickered at Clyde's last comment. Clyde took it as a good sign that Kenny hadn't felt the need to fake an emergency phone call or excuse himself to the bathroom only to head to the exit instead. The last couple of times he'd confessed he had a child to the person he was on a date with, that's exactly what had happened. He'd been blindsided, and heartbroken.

"But obviously she decided she wanted to carry the pregnancy to term. I wonder if she would've made a different decision if we weren't so close to graduating. We were lucky that we graduated before the due date."

Kenny was being awfully quiet during this. Was this a good sign or not? Clyde couldn't tell.

"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous as fuck at the beginning. I wasn't ready to be a father. I was a dumbass. Still am! But I started to get excited about it, and even though it's been hard, and it wasn't planned at all... I'm thankful."

"So whatever happened to Bebe?" asked Kenny.

Clyde laughed nervously. "We stayed together through the first two years, but it was stressful. New kid, new jobs, new apartment. We weren't our best selves then. It just destroyed our relationship. It's okay, though. After a year or so of somewhat reluctant co-parenting, we learned to like each other again, and now she's my best friend. She and her partner Wendyl are amazing parents. They live over in Aurora. She lives with them permanently so she can go to school there. I pick her up from school every day, though. That's why I couldn't go out with you on Fridays. I bring her to my place, make her dinner, and try to help her with her homework, but usually fail."

Kenny laughed, causing Clyde to join in.

"Hey man, it's not funny!" he proclaimed while grinning. "She's really smart! Her homework is hard!"

"So how old is…" Kenny paused for a moment "...um, I don't think you've even told me her name."

"Betsy." I know it's an old school name, and I worry that she might be made fun of by other kids, but it was my mom's name. She died when I was a kid."

Clyde stared down at his lap. He hoped Kenny wouldn't start asking how his mom and how she died. That was a whole other can of worms.

"Anyway, she's ten. She's a good kid. She looks like a mashup of Bebe and me, but her personality is more like Wendyl. It's kind of perfect, when you think about it."

Clyde sighed and looked at Kenny in the eyes for the first time since he started. He tried to look deep into his striking blue eyes and find his true feelings. He'd learned that Kenny could be hard to read at times, and right now he needed clear reassurance.

"So that's it. I'm a dad. I'm surprised you haven't fled yet. Unless you're just pretending to be nice and calm about this now, but later you're gonna fake your death."

Kenny's eyes looked sad. "Do you really think that poorly of me?"

"What? No! I'm just...I just assumed that this would push you away, like everyone else. I know I should have told you this upfront, not on the fifth date, but I was scared. You were so hot. I at least wanted one successful date with you. Then I got greedy for it."

"Well, I guess it's lucky for you that I love kids," Kenny smiled, warmly. "I wanted to work as a guidance counselor or social worker when I was younger, but it just wasn't in the cards for me. But I'm really good with kids. I had a lot of practice with my sister, Karen. I'd really love to meet Betsy sometime."

Kenny looked dreamily at Clyde, his chin resting in his hand. Clyde looked taken aback at his comment. Kenny's eyes flew open wide as he realized the implication of what he said.

"I mean—! If you'd let me! I don't have to meet her! We're not that serious yet, right? I'm sorry for jumping the gun here," Kenny laughed nervously. "Ah shit. I think I fucked this up."

Clyde looked at him, confused.

"So, uh, I was afraid that this thing you had to tell me was that you didn't want to see me anymore. Big fancy restaurant. It'd make me not realize it was coming, right? That's what some people do. I was so worried because I really like you, Clyde."

Kenny reached both hands forward and cupped them gently around one of Clyde's hands.

"And...I wanted to ask you tonight if you'd want to be exclusive," he continued.

Clyde was at a loss for words. He opened his mouth to answer, yet nothing came out but a slow exhale. His cheeks lit up in bright pink and his body felt warm all over. It felt so good. Kenny made him feel this way all the time.

"Of course I would. Honestly, I haven't seen anyone else since our first date. I haven't wanted to."

Kenny's face lit up, and his smile made Clyde feel butterflies in his stomach.

"Clyde," said Kenny, "Will you be my boyfriend?"

"Fuck yes. I'll be your boyfriend so hard."

"Yeah!" Kenny cried out. "Peenooo Noir!"

Everyone else in the main dining room stopped what they were doing and turned to look at the odd blonde man loudly singing about red wine. Kenny and Clyde's eyes were wide and horrified. They'd somehow forgotten that they weren't alone. Luckily, Kenny was able to think on his feet.

He stood up out of his chair and looked around the room.

"He said yes!" he proudly cheered.

The other patrons began to applaud what they thought had been a successful marriage proposal. Kenny reached out his hand to Clyde and helped him stand up. They leaned over the table and gave each other a sweet kiss. Kenny then leaned in a little closer.

"I love Kimmy Schmidt. Sorry I was too in my head to say anything earlier. Also don't worry. The chaste kiss is just for show. We're gonna dry hump like crazy in your car later."

"Can we take a selfie to celebrate?" asked Clyde.

* * *

"Goddammit," said Bebe, suddenly.

"What's up, babe?" asked Wendyl, shifting in their spot on the sofa.

"Clyde just sent me a snap from his date. He was really nervous about it cause he was going to tell Kenny about Betsy tonight. I guess it went well, though, cause here's what he sent me."

Bebe handed the phone to Wendyl. The photo showed Clyde and Kenny cuddled up together while holding a bottle of wine. The bottle's labeled was covered with a piece of paper that said "An Ode to Black Penis" on it. The caption said _'So I have a boyfriend now'._

Wendyl chuckled. "I'm happy for them. They're both adorable idiots."

"They're perfect for each other," they said in unison.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who wants to listen to the UKS song referenced: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A6yttOfIvOw
> 
> Want more Clenny? Come check out @Clenny-Week on Tumblr!
> 
> Wanna say hi? I'm @otherluces on Tumblr.


End file.
